It all started with the Heritage Preservation Commission and Jeff Alleman trying to squelch my heritage from shining through, silly man! He was undoubtedly in cahoots with the History Center of Olmsted County. At first I wanted to resign from the Commission, but one by one, Commissioners and members of the public who watch our meetings drone on, said if I left, there would be no remembrance of our heritage here in Rochester. So, I stayed, much to the delight of our newly re-elected Mayor. He is a good man. Suddenly, the History Center wanted to make amends too. Yes, I am back on the Advisory Committee there too, but oh am I so much the wiser. Can you say "recorder"?
Then, it happened again. This time, after two and one-half weeks of non-communication from a person in charge of this particular organization I belong to, regarding my matter of importance; I got my hands slapped back for insisting that my issue be addressed. Apparently in this organization you must respect the office of this procrastinator and not insist on bringing your issue forward. It looks bad. I did the usual, laid down the rationale for my actions, cited rules or regs, stated how things looked from my perspective and hoped form some resolve. Nope, it was not respectful enough, because this procrastinator was dealing with some personal issues (not, a family member was, but I get it) and why was I kicking the procrastinator when they were down? What? I didn't know about the personal matters. I would never knowingly kick someone when they were down! Of course, I don't need to kick at all, yet, to this very day, I am being treated as if I knew what was happening on the procrastinator's end and "people are afraid" of me. Thanks! My important matter was addressed and all is well... So, what I have learned here is to not kick so hard and that some people are more equal than others, still. Turns out that the little procrastinator's personal issues didn't start until the "one half week" so, what about the "two weeks" prior to the personal issues. Well, we don't want to talk about that. Oh, I remember, some people are more equal than others. I get it. After all, I spent 15+ years on human rights commissions, and I understand.
The knife was placed cleanly and gently into my back.
After this episode, I was lost for a while. I felt so terrible that someone would and could actually think that I could intentionally kick someone when they were down. I respected these people and put them on a pedestal if you will and now, well I see that they are just people too. Wrong, quick to judgement without exploring the facts, unrealistic, procrastinators, chauvinists, patronizing, but kind, patient and caring.
Just about this time, I got another blow. It came out of the blue as they say. It's cliche but very true. These things come when you least expect it. I wasn't filled with pride, or in need of a good chastising or thinking I was all that, quite the opposite actually. It involved the NPS and Park Department and Indian Heights Park. We have been working on a master plan for some time, over a year. We can't seem to get beyond trails, a fire ring and the kiosk. The committee is comprised of "stake holders" as they say, Friends of Indian Heights (white group), GRADS (Indians), and the NAC SE MN (white group). FOIH, wants a specific trail. NAC wants a fire ring. GRADS wants to do its part to meet the park board's recc'ds to recognize IHP as a sacred site used by the Dakota. I met with the new director of the park dept. and explained my situation. I brought along another GRADS member to help, or so I thought. I showed all of my cards in this meeting, which is unusual for me, but I did it. I showed him Governor Dayton's mandate for government agencies to work with INDIANS regarding INDIAN issues. He accepted it and I said, "This is a type and shadow of things to come and I would think the Park Department would want to comply as a gesture of using best practices." I tried not to kick so hard, but I kicked baby! Then I asked, "Why does the NAC of SE MN, namely Jim Wilson, who is white, no disrespect for his ethnicity, have any say in Indian matters?" No comment. "I have been patient, I think, a year in fact. I have put our history down on paper, here is a copy. It has met the approval of Mr. Leonard Wabasha. I am willing to write the grant to the Minnesota Historical Society since they already funded the grant for obtaining the history you have in your hand, but there seems to be some problem with FOIH and NAC. It appears to me that they do not want me to do this. They think that I am not being 'inclusive' enough of others. I remind you that it was not the 'others' that designated IHP as a sacred site." No comment. "Oh, and could you please put your decision in writing for me." The other GRADS member said, "Yes, we've been called racists when this isn't what it is about, its about our history. Now I know Dawn (Littleton) won't let you do anything to Jim Wilson, she will insist that he stay on the committee and represent the NAC." Seeing the worry in the new director's eyes, I said, "It all came out before you were hired. The NAC and Jim Wilson admitted they were all white with no ties to any reservation or enrolled in any reservation. It was in the paper, two summers ago." Finally, a comment, which was no comment really, but it was something about working with FOIH, their organization was the "go to group" for the Park Department. Ah, I get it, some groups are more equal than others. I know this song very well.
I didn't resign from this committee until I received an email from our GRADS member stating that she met with Dawn Littleton, and said, in sum, poor Dawn is working so hard to complete the master plan (she's a librarian), she has the input (strategies and objectives) from all the stake holders, except ours...can't we just give it to poor Dawn and let her complete our work on the grant (namely cut and past all of our hard work)?
The knife was plunged deep in my back.
Recognizing that I was now alone on this committee, I fired off an email to Holly Larson with the NPS, and cc'd all the rest of the group. I gave her all of my info, along with a copy of our history. I said that I could no longer remain on a committee that doesn't respect our history or my efforts. I couldn't remain on a committee that chose to NOT respect Indians enough to turn to Indians when dealing with Indian issues. I let her know have done my best under the conditions I have been working under for over a year now, but recognizing that I was alone in this effort, I could no longer remain on this committee, I needed to preserve my well-being. I wished her all the best. Said she could contact me anytime.
And then it hit me! I wasn't a "quitter" or "giving up", I was preserving myself. I suddenly realized what our ancestors must have felt. No, the government would never truly help them. No, greedy white men were going to keep coming. They were going to keep you down as long as you fought for your rights; it was time to preserve what was left of your family and your self. It was time to fortify your family, gather what was left of your people, take stock of what was left of your ways and gather your strength. I tell you this discovery of mine gave me shivers!! It was as if I could feel an outer shell forming over me, molding to my way too round curves and heightening my awareness of my surroundings.
I thought of my Gram. This is what she did to survive in boarding school. This is how she remembered her language after all of those years of being unable to speak her language or take the risk of being severely beaten or killed. This is how she went on to teach her language at the U of M. Shivers!
I took all the knives out of my back and started to severe the ties that were trying to hold me down.
I penned a nice note to the GRADS ladies and explained that I couldn't go on in this same way. I gently told Betty Smith how Dawn Littleton was using her and tricking her to divulge our plans. I said that it seemed to me that she and her sister Shirley would rather keep the peace rather than assert their right to have our history told by the Dakota and that all matters related to the Dakota should be kept in Dakota hands, not the pretentious NAC. I understand keeping the peace, but I will not betray my people on this committee. I would rather work from afar as I gathered my strength.
After two weeks, they were ready to figure out how they could continue on the committee since they didn't understand how to write strategies and objectives. I reminded them that it was already done and that I sent it to Holly, not to worry. Oh, and by the way the Winona Dakota Unity Alliance wanted to partner with us and see how we could all work together to further the cause of the Dakota and the Ho-Chunk! Yes, Bill McNeil and I have been discussing this very issue for the past several months, while you and Shirley have been busy keeping the peace.
As I reflected on these precious learning experiences, tailored just for me, I check my calendar and saw that I had a presentation to give in the Dover-Eyota School district the very next Monday. I gathered all of my things, check my USB and I prayed to Heavenly Father and begged for his strength as I had none, I was tapped.
I gave the best presentation I ever gave. There were 4 classes of 6th graders. It went so very well and I can take no credit for it. It was as if the words were coming from a higher power and they were. I can take no credit. This is what I wanted! I wanted to share our history with the rising generation and those that need to know about the Dakota Conflict.
I have refined my presentation, yet again, as I have several more to give during National Native American Month. See I talked to the GRADS ladies before I put this out to the school district and sadly the sisters, as sweet as they are, were just too busy to give these presentation to the youth, not enough limelight I fear. Yup, its just you and some kids talking about the Dakota Conflict. Uh, and you have to know your history to do this. See that is what they are doing to you. They are keeping you busy making "peace" and keeping you in line, and then you forget what you are all about. It's about remembering who you are, where you came from and where you are going. It's about preserving your family and your self, and honoring your ancestor's sacrifice for you. It's about honoring the Creator enough to plead for strength and not to kick others too hard, because he sacrificed for you. Yes, self preservation is my new mantra.
Won't the GRADS ladies be so sad to learn that there was a reporter at the presentation in Dover-Eyota.
