Cobell or to not Cobell

Today I received word that my records have been lost somewhere in the miasma of the BIA, Cobell, US. Government Data Banks.  How odd.  I am a member of the Ho-Chunk Nation.  I am the granddaughter of Henry Decorah.  I am the daughter of Vera Kingbird.  There are records of my Choka, my Gram, my mother, my daughter; but none of me.   I am disturbed on many levels.  There is nothing in the BIA, US Government or Cobell to tie to me my Choka or to my mother or daughter.  I almost cried over this, but realized that what happened to so many of my early ancestors, is still happening; it happened to me.  Oh, it hurts, and I am at a loss as to what to do, but I am still here. 

I could challenge this, but I do not care to at this time.  There is so much bureaucracy involved in this that it would be just a waste of time and for what?  A few hundred dollars?  I am reminded of the time when my grandfather died.  Everyone wanted his money from his IIM account.  I cared for him for the last year of his life and no one came to visit him, but everyone came out of the woodwork and wanted a share of his pittance.  My cousin and mother accused me of taking all of his SSA benefits and lived high off the hog as they said.  Never mind that I was a BSN/RN working full-time for the county or that my husband was a doctor working for Meritcare Health Systems.  Never mind that no one had to pay for his final funeral expenses except for me and my husband.  Never mind that he left this world owing nothing.  Yet the accusations flew.  It was a dark time.  Choka left a will and left everything to my cousin, Ella.  Choka changed Gram's will, who left everything to me, and now Ella stood to inherit the pittance.  I am reminded of the harsh words, the accusations, the treachery and the pain.  I lost my Choka and people were fighting over his money.  In the end I forced a law judge settle the claims and I received his money too.  I did this just for spite.  A law judge had to review just what I did for my Choka and with his money, and he found no reason for the hateful allegations.  Choka's probate was settled and closed.

I am glad that the land trust debauchery was settled.  I am happy that a settlement was reached though it was a far cry from what was taken from our people and other tribes.  I would like to be a part of this monumental decision, but I can't because there is no record of me in any of the databases as ever having an IIM account.  I received my money when I turned 18, yet there is no record of me.  I just don't know what to make of this other than this is a test of my character, just like when everyone was fighting over his money while slinging accusations at me.  I don't want to fight over money.  I don't need it and I am grateful that my life has been blessed in this way.  I do not want for anything and neither do my children.  Yet, I am sad that there is no record of me in the "data bases" that show that I am not tied to my grandparents according to the government.

I know that I am their granddaughter, even if no one else does.

This also reminds of of GOM.  There are those that do not believe she was a Peace Chief over a body of the Ho-Chunk who resided on Doty Island and feel that her descendants wanted to make her a Chief.  How sad for them.  Thankfully, there are those who know the story and believe in our oral tradition. As my great aunt Adelia said, "She didn't make herself a Chief!"

In some odd way, GOM softens this blow that was dealt to me today, and once again I am grateful for her legacy, and the legacy my grandparents left for me.  What they have given me can not be found in any data base.